I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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