I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
