dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize