Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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