If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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