Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
