I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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