I just threw up on my dentist
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
