The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
