I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
