When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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