did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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