But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize