so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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