she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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