I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
