And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
