Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
