a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
