So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
