I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
