be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize