That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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