you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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