Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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