Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
