I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
