whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
