ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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