Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
