Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize