when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
