It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
