why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
