If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
