i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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