Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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