I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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