Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
