Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
