My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
