I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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