It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
