I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
