I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He felt like a one man threesome
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
