The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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