Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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