Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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