I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
