if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
