Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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