I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
