YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize