okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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