my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
