I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
farters have to be the big spoon...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
