Porn is love you can see.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
