My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
