No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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