Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
