I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
