Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
