i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
